Jan 21, 2017
The Rise and Rise of Android Aarish
Year 1
Honestly speaking, just blowing baby bubbles and burping. But wait, oooh what’s that cool jangly thing over my head the big people have left. SHINY. Oh no, think I need to have a movement. Move along people, nothing to see here.
Year 3
OK, last couple of years are a blur, must have been some kind of party cos I don’t remember anything. The big people have left me a tuby, wheely, tassley thing as a means of transport, lazy buggers, forcing me to make my own way round the garden instead of carrying me. Oh well better put pedal to the metal, or foot to the pedal or — whatever. Four wheels does not seem to be the optimum here, I wonder if there’s any merit in taking the two little ones off the back, not straight away of course that would be foolish.
Year 7
Wow, quite a few things going on at the moment, the big people, aka parents have allowed me and the other little folk to use a BBC Basic. This is the epitome of design and functionality. I just can’t see how anyone’s going to be able to top this. EVER. Now on top of the motor power from the pedal machine, I can extend my creative ability to make weird high pitched whiny noises and flashing colours. I am on the path to becoming.
OK guys, cuppla setbacks here, I have temporarily lost my mobility extension after an altercation between a skateboard and a garage that I was caught in the middle of. Also, note to self for future reference. Don’t attempt to plug BBC Basic into TV, it will not end well.
Year 15
I have finally upgraded my music function. I had been thus far relegated to tooting on a flute and tinkling ivories. I now have the black boom box and walkman upgrade. They seem to have overridden all my other imperatives and are stuck in a Snoop/Wu/Dre/TuPac/Marley loop. The parents have not understood the need for a more efficient cooling system manifested by baggy pants and even baggier attitude. I think they may request.
Year 18
Exoskeletal, transport and velocity enhancements have been implemented. Two wheel organically powered transportation switched out for red shelled, thermal fuelled AX to get me from A2Z. Communication module has also been upgraded, including external comms hardware, oddly banana shaped. The transition seems to be working.
Years 28–38: The lost Decade
I have been shipped to Papua New Guinea, connectivity has been compromised. I fear obsolescence awaits.
Present Day
I plugged myself back into the world. I rebooted and rooted my OS, junked the bloat-wear, and ensured that neural networks were at optimum performance levels. Peripheral devices have been optimised for performance. They are not merely extensions of, but intrinsically linked to my being. Enhanced and raring to go.
Transition to 2.0 complete — next upgrade date unknown, next system version? Aarish x.0
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