Note to Self

Episode 4 — The Flame Is Flickering

Fatigue has been setting in of late.

Burning the candle at both ends and slowly but surely burning out.

And yes, it’s the awful monotony of lockdown, the drudgery, the sheer endlessness of it all; but it’s also the things that I have been doing to fill the empty spaces that lockdown has allowed to emerge.

It’s over extending my reach, stretching my persistence and punishing my capacity to maintain and retain my focus.

Focus.

That’s the thing. A thing I’ve always struggled with, a thing that seems to escape me at every turn, a thing that seems to come so naturally to others and yet for me, always escapes my grasp.

Why?

Because I cannot remain bored, I cannot sit still.

Sitting still feels like stopping.

But right now I think I may need to stop, just to keep going.